stuka
Metal Warrior
Posts: 305
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Post by stuka on Apr 11, 2006 18:25:58 GMT -6
heres one i just finished, i like it but think it still needs some work. pulled the title out of my ass too, heh.
I first heared your voice when i needed it the most your song opened up my eyes halting my slow demise
I throw myself into life stirred to live by your song and forever shall I be free free to live free to love given cause by my raven haired beauty
and she is all that i see
gone is who we were now its who we are its time to write a new page time to start our own chapter
look to the sky, the future is bright like winter snow in full moonlight Come now, gaze at the stars as we dance till the dawn
Night is losing its fight with day Still i stand upon the shore I set my sails and soon become memory My songs will be all rememberance of me
Soon I will point my bow to sea But I always have room for one more I wish for the sun to come with me far away I know in my heart I cannot stay
I bring back many treasures of this land Tales, gold, and things of great beauty Yet I care not for the world's finest for the maiden with raven hair is the most precious to me........
feedback is most welcome
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Autumn
Evil God
sworn brother
Posts: 2,555
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Post by Autumn on Apr 12, 2006 7:10:26 GMT -6
love this stanza...
look to the sky, the future is bright like winter snow in full moonlight Come now, gaze at the stars as we dance till the dawn
it's good. good imagery, and thats what i think is most important.
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stuka
Metal Warrior
Posts: 305
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Post by stuka on Apr 12, 2006 13:09:38 GMT -6
thanks man, ill keep working on it
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Post by MorbidGuitar on Apr 12, 2006 16:28:11 GMT -6
very nicely done!
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